De Minimis-Maximus

The joys of my life are simple, which makes it easy to smile when life gets complicated.

Some count blessings...some count sheep...I prefer to estimate, rounding up (always), and move on. The sum of it all teeters on infinity.

Though from the outside looking in, the value estimates fluctuate between all or nothing.

My thought...give and live it all and then there's nothing left to say but "Damn, I mean...she really diiiid do that!?!"

I digress...

So how can things "of minimal concern" leave such lasting impact?

Good question...that I can't answer...I just know it when I experience it...

De Minimis
Great Grandma: "Baby, if the plane starts going down, just bend over and kiss your ass good bye!"

Maximus
Never stopped me from flying...just marvel at the heavens, thanking God while I'm up there!

De Minimis
Three or more grown ups on a single twin bed...comfortably!?!

Maximus
When its my mom, sisters, my dog (he's 49 in dog years), and at times my Fa$t friend chilling on a Sunday afternoon...a perfect fit!

De Minimis
Homeless man walks by...okay, it happens.

Maximus
The same man saying "Hello sistah, you make hard work look easy. Go head girl!" because he sees you carrying a tote bag, purse and an over sized text book...while wearing heels...an unexpected push to keep going!

De Minimis
6:30 am alarm going off!!!

Maximus
"Good Mornin..." (A la Kanye West)...I'm still here...

Wake UP!
De Minimis-Maximus

...good night...

Ebb & Flow...Breath & Stop...

Happy Anniversary...glad we're still speaking; can't believe it's been a day more than a year.

I felt like I was missing something, so I decided to write, but ended up reading instead. And then, it clicked...

Life has it's ups and downs, but blaming my inner-Libra, my days, weeks, months, and years make life seem like one of those carnival rides that spin so fast you stick to the wall, and come out feeling like you've been shaken like a strong martini.

Stirred, so I write.

The dates of my blog posts eerily reflect a pattern...

From day 1 - 10...life is good.

From about day 12-20...I'm a wreck.

From about day 22 through the end of the month I'm feeling like a champ...climbing the mountains of life once again.

Recognition is the first step...

Knowing helps...but overcoming is tough. In this race against time, I don't really have 8 days a month to be CRAZY...and that's in addition to the 5-7 that I can't escape. In essence, I'm a nut half the time...light as a feather one-third of the time...and Superwoman for the rest. Guess, I'm a crazy ass eagle!

Fly, nonetheless. You'll rarely see me on the ground. I tend to coast publicly, even if nose-diving inside.

I'm running out of hair...but my chubby cheeks are filling in the space...time to make room for other things. Operation "get light" is in progress...literally and figur[atively], because mine has left the building.

The "Ambitious Girl" just let go.

Look Mom, "No Hands!"

...disappears...

HIP HOP GUT SPILL...10/16/10

SUNO Cropped Cape - Fall 2010 (CHECK)

Green Tea with Skim Milk (CHECK)

Books open (CHECK)

MacBook open (CHECK...I mean, how else could I be typing)

Corner seat in class (CHECK)

Notes printed (CHECK)

Mind focused (CHECK...I didn't say on what...)

"I think I've got my swagger back..." ~ Jay Z

Here Goes...

1) Dear BET, Tigger and the hip hop "roundtable"...Eminem ain't #1! That is all.

2) Rich Boy's album was really tight!

3) Kanye successfully changed the way producers cross over into mc'ism...and he seems to have an eye on the fashion world in the same piercing way. I LOVE HIM!

4) Clifford...YOU F'd yourself!!! Dumb ass!!!

5) The new kids...Wiz, Wale, J.Cole, Tabi, Lupe, Cudi are fucking awesome...they're just way too smart (or too high) for the game right now...the world isn't ready.

6) Nikki Minaj has potential...and her marketing team is strong...the lane is wide open...can't be mad at her hustle, even if I don't like all of her music.

7) 504 Boys - "I Can Tell"...is one of my secret favorite songs...as is "Take it Off" 8-Ball & MJG...

8) I'm sooo zoned out right now....

9) 5 weeks left this semester...14 weeks left next semester...less than 20 weeks away from a JD/MBA...FREEDOM and future mogul-dom awaits.

10) ...back to my regularly scheduled Saturday school flow...

F! I'm soooo over this...pray for me...

Deuces...

Yooooo! Who the F wrote "today"? Like Seriously...

PRE-WORK...

Participants:
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(*)TAMIKA (*) , ~*Kellye*~

Messages:
---------
View recent messages

~*Kellye*~: Wat are u so enamored by

(*)TAMIKA (*) : The boy (bats eyes)

~*Kellye*~: That's very nice
~*Kellye*~: Happy for u that ur in such bliss
~*Kellye*~: ({})
~*Kellye*~: Wat else is up
~*Kellye*~: Besides I haven't seen u in like 3 months
~*Kellye*~: Despite attempts on my part /:)

(*)TAMIKA (*) : Work school consume my being! I have like 6.5 hours on the and fri to study, my train commute (10 pages each way) and sunday to rest, and study more. Folgers is the only reason I can smile in the am.
(*)TAMIKA (*) : I tell myself repeatedly...only 1 year, but this shit is tough. I have a ton of support from fam and friends but nobody really understands the pressure I feel. There's a lot riding on this 4 year journey.
(*)TAMIKA (*) : I'm blessed to do it but stressed in the process. I can't break!

~*Kellye*~: Wats riding on it that's so much?
~*Kellye*~: I just did the 3yr journey... The great hope of my family
~*Kellye*~: Dad believes I'll be the one who will take care of him.. Buy him a nice house. .... I can't even get a job. How's that for pressure

(*)TAMIKA (*) : Fb twitter and bbm are my lifelines to the world. Short random prayers keep me grounded. I kinda want to scream loud and pass out for a day, study for a week while the world pauses for me to catch up. But I can't so I'll just vent and keep going.

~*Kellye*~: U have a great job. And u get like straight As almost. U'll be more than ok yo!

(*)TAMIKA (*) : Stream of conscious thought on my fingertips. Sorry I just showered you with my woes. (I'll be sure to thank your eyes and ears when this becomes a blog post when I get to my desk! ;) ) you just saved my sanity!
(*)TAMIKA (*) : Consider me checked!

~*Kellye*~: So I know its exhausting. I wasn't doing that commute but I was working 2 jobs, doing a clinic and taking 16 law school credits.. I understand the pressure ({})
~*Kellye*~: And I had no scholarship money and barely got by on $$ I get it
~*Kellye*~: Well vent if u have to
~*Kellye*~: Its ok to say "no I can't do it" sometimes
~*Kellye*~: If u want ur sanity

(*)TAMIKA (*) : Toast to the douchebags! Take a sip for the assholes...I'm foolish!
(*)TAMIKA (*) : (Now reading your bbm's) shhhhhh

~*Kellye*~: Lol fool
~*Kellye*~: Glad I could be a lifeline tho!

(*)TAMIKA (*) : ...I get it (everything you said)...which is why I try not to complain...but every now and then I've got to release. I will get more coffee...get through my day...read your notes bcuz there's no way I'll read 100 pages tonight)...do my assignment in the morning (thank god the other class I'm behind in is cancelled...will be even further behind next week) and live on to see another day...god willing...for now...cheers to life! Shit the air feels good in my lungs and I'm fat which means I ain't starving...as we were!!! ({})

SHUFFLE...

Arrive Penn Station...stop at card shop...pick up these...

(see somewhere on your screen...first time uploading pics)

HOROSCOPE...

Your willingness to take enough time to reflect on a personal matter can clear a path to a magical and memorable experience. Unfortunately, your resistance to change grows when you focus on your goals instead of on the journey that leads to your destination. Part of your current lesson is about control; loosening your grip on the reins will also free you from your own restraints.

LETTING GO...

As you were...

Because Life is Exactly What We're Experiencing...

I used to fret a lot about a lot of things...

What to wear...how I'd pay for things (still do this some times)...what people would think if I (finish however you'd like)...how did that come off to (whomever)...I hope I didn't (offend, affect, hurt, hinder, anger, sadden, disrespect, burden...again whomever)...What to wear (Yes, this was my biggest fret, and now that I work NYC...just off of "Fashion Ave" the fret has resurfaced ~ learning to deal!)...

But after a whirlwind since about March of this year (the day I landed in SA)...I fret less, forget more, and forgive myself for being myself. I like clothes. I love hip hop. I work hard...can't help it. I love even harder...again, can't help it. I hate foolishness, though I sometimes participate in it...hell, it has its place in life too. I miss my friends. I adore my family. Fa$t is just what I prefer! (unscramble/decode at leisure) And, you know what...I'm cool with all of that.

Yes, I'm in law school (and business school). Yes, I work in a modest office, surrounded by uber talented people, dwarfed by rods of amazing clothes instead of red-wells, dark walls. My CEO plays Drake, African music, and 80's rock (all in the same day). And my boss drops an "F-bomb" or two on a regular basis but she gets things DONE... a real "make it happen" kind of girl. It's a privileged life for a girl like me. I love it!

I sit next to attorneys on the train and they have no idea they're in the company of a future professional peer. I watch "the corporate blue shirts" shuffle off to their 9-5 (well 10-6) cubicles and corner offices each day. I pass homeless people, cigarette peddlers, and newspaper passer-outers along the way. I stop at some random spot every morning and get a small or medium coffee and fix it just like my grandma did when I was a kid (light and sweet...but unfortunately have succumbed to Equal and Splenda instead of the regular stuff...yeah, it'll kill me, but so could a bus...I digress). I greet the doorman. I crack my computer and click the keys until the day's work is done. And at some evening hour I saunter along the sidewalk, the train tracks, and the streets to find my way home.

I play with my son/dog. I eat dinner with my Nanna. Then I laugh with my mom. I $peed up the street to catch a Fa$t hug. And I'm off to chill out with my BFF for a bit. I ease down the road to find my way home. And there you have it folks, it's tomorrow already. [REPEAT]

That is life, for me, these days. And you know what, I'm good with that.

I still daydream about the kind of days I'll have when MIDDY S. Enterprises takes off. I still drift off into space wondering if this is how it was supposed to be. I still look up and ask God, "am I getting this right?" And I never stop imagining how things would have been if I'd done things differently.

But you know what??? At the end of the day (or the beginning of tomorrow) "IT IS WHAT IT IS!" (Pardon the use of such overused phrases...they are however, very applicable and true in this case.)

Life is what we're experiencing. Living is what we're doing. Good, bad, or otherwise. We're here. This is it! PERIOD. No more, no less.

So I'll end this thing the same way I end most things these days ... ***Kanye-shrug*** I'm really not caring beyond the moment (or at least trying to look as such).

(Goes on with her life)

No closing...no profound statement...no creative crescendo...no happy ending...no poignant promise...no pregnant pause...

This is it folks...I'm done...

So why am I still writing.

I guess I can't even really accept the fact that it's over...but IT still goes on.

(Living...)

(Yep, still doing it...)

(Why are you still reading?)

(You are missing out on something.)

(Oh well, this is a part of life too...)

Okay, damn. I'm done.

For real this time.

(You people just don't know when to quit.)

(Neither do I.)

(Need to get to work...but goofing off is a part of the work day...believe me, the finance people baked that into your salary...it's part of the bottom line.)

~
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P.S. Folks, I wrote this last night before bed, copied and pasted it into this here text box. Please do not "fire yourself" by blogging, tweeting, poking, IM'ing, texting, or whatever 'ing you do during work hours. I told you the story of my day, but I couldn't tell you everything.

I'm a "Night [W]ri[t]er!"

Fin.

"Ever" My New Favorite Word

In moments like this, when my heart and head are full...feeling a free-ness that comes spontaneously, where memories of the last moments like this come crashing in...I smile, because "ever" is my new favorite word. EVER n[ever] gets the credit it deserves, but for some reason, I don't think it matters or even cares. It is what it is... What[ever]?

EVER: "Always, at any time, in any way, ...used as an intensive"

I want this shit for[ever]...

Always and for[ever]...

For[ever]? For[ever] [ever]...[ever] [ever]...

Make it last for[ever]...[ever] e-e-eh

I say what[ever] to what Ever thinks. He's just being humble. But, today, I pay my respects to ever because it's the root to my soul's happiness. It describes how I want to be...in relationships...in love...in life. EVER - always, at any time, in any way, ...an intensive!

It's like the day I drove down Route 22 East with the sunroof open with Little Brother's "The Minstrel Show" blaring...sun shining, wind blowing my hair...carefree. EVER Chillin!

Or that night he and I went to see "ATL"...no one in the theater cared that Nu-Nu was moving into my dormitory on Spelman's campus...and I could care less that they didn't. EVER Loyal!

Or like the night I decided to join my BFF at some random club, and ended up leaving with a long-lost friend...zooming down the Turnpike at 4 a.m., making a pit stop at Pat's in Philly like it would be our last meal. The food did last for a few days, though (smile). EVER [in] Love!

Or like the photo of my mom greasing the elbows of the 3 Stooges (oops Stembridges) as we prepared to walk down the aisle for Sister's wedding. Best sister EVER!

Or like the night out at the W in Atlanta, with my Kelz, my Renda, and my BFF Kitara, and our dates martini, Patron, and their friends. Friends forEVER!

Or the moment when my nanna walked into her surprise birthday party. She is ever an angel and saving grace, so to see her on the receiving end was unforgettable. Greatest woman EVER!

Or like the afternoon I spent with Kendra and "Polo" in "Spain"...Sangria, stories, and smiles. Away but nEVER too far.

Or like the night out I shared with Mom and M.I.L...Just know...the grass is always greener the night before the morning after...It was one of the best nights of my life. "If tomorrow nEVER comes, I'll die happy!"

Or my first day at my new job...and law school before that...and the job before that...and the one before that. I'm game for new beginnings...changing the scenery always keeps life fresh. ForEVER on the grind!

Or the day, TODAY, when I vowed to go "Platinum" before I made my next move. I did. I love...I live! Certified! Simply EVER...

As I sip my green tea, punch out the last lines on these here keys...I'm EVER happy...EVER at peace...EVER thankful...for EVERy moment...EVERy person...EVERy memory that I'll EVER have.

Signed,

For EVER, For Always, For Love...

Shooting Stars all around her...Fire...Comets...

A running list of mind-racing thoughts...

"I never want my vision to get in the way of your dreams."
(so thinks a girl as she daydreams of them together)
(so she also thinks as she imagines life for the "stars" around her)

"...1)Strangers, sometimes have the best perspective...2)you gotta believe what you HAVE is enough...3)it's life...things happen...4)sometimes it's solitaire, sometimes it's spades, but you gotta have the right partner..." PEACE...
(so thinks a girl as she boards her train on a soggy Wednesday morning)

"Lookin forward to the memories of right now..."

If I could bottle up a weekend and drink it 'til I die, this one might be it.

Each sip - a little different, some bitter, most sweet.

The cool of every moment helped to chill the heat of each day.

The sounds of laughter, from young and old, provided the soundtrack to the "cookout" where the cooler held more than beer and the grill left the flavors just right.

The hugs wrapped tightly like a blanket while sitting on the shores where water meets sand.

Graphic tees, fly kicks, summer dresses, and flat sandals graced the runways of busy city streets.

Celebrations of life; talks of unfortunate death in the same conversation.

Living, enjoying every moment, as if each could be the last.

If I could bottle up a weekend and drink it 'til I die, this one might be it.

Forever thankful, immediately engaged, remembering what it will be like to remember these days...

"I need some wine."

"I've got some Moscato."

"...on my way with another bottle."

...the saga begins...Memories of "aNOtherWeekend"...

(Grandpa to Me while watching CNN): "Mika, you'll be one of them soon. Whatcha gonna do about this millionaire tax?"

(Just because...): Moscato, gin, turkey burgers, salad, and secret sangria mix well. Even better when served in the presence of good friends and the air of a summer's night.

(...Father's Day and New Year's Eve are equally exciting): The DJ says "last call for alcohol." I look up at the clock to see that it's only 1:15 a.m. I then turn back to see my dad behind me. (We embrace.) "Happy Father's Day. Love You Dad!" (Continues to dance...) Life is a party...and it's great when you can rock out with your folks!

(Phone rings...it's my mom): Before I could say hello, she said "I love you." And that's just one of the reasons why I do...

(Holding a baby): For once, I'm not afraid. The slobber mixes well with my perfume. I see the future in her eyes. (Thinks back). I wasn't ready. (Baby is now climbing up my chest.) You may never be ready. He only expects you to get prepared. You may not be perfect to the world, but to a child, you're mere presence and willingness to care is enough. Willing to try...

(Sisters support each other): She tries on a million and one outfits to go with her new haircut. I say "that looks cute...tuck this in...throw on a tank and some sandals and you're good." I meant every word. You're FLY, know that.

(Peeking out the window): She's a little impatient, but she's earned the right to be. Always early, never been late. Worked long and hard, but still grinding. Seen tough times, but still shining. I love her. I look up to her...as she peeks out of the window. We hate waiting, but it's never about our time...

(We danced in circles...): And my head was left spinning in one. (Thanks M.I.L.) Disco ain't dead...check the local "juke joint."

(..."I'm leaving!"): "I knew it..." Thanks for understanding BFF! (wink)

(Where I wanna be): Just before dawn, into the early morning hours...I was there (repeatedly) and happy about it. Whoever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was dumb-happy when the pattern of "perfect attendance" showed up again. Seasons change, people do too...a little shake up is good when the break up turns to a better make up. Fa$t Forward...

(The porch is where it's at...): I did next to nothing, but left feeling like everything was alright. Barbecue, pecans, flip flops, bubbles, shades, and jump-ropes...grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins, the sister and me. It was Sunday, so I soaked it up.

(Flashing lights...): I haven't written anything in a while, but I think about writing all of the time. Sometimes I wish I kept a stenographer in the passenger seat. I dream in color, amid the flashing lights...I prefer to tear up the roadway in the dark.

(Be there in 1.5): "Momma, I made it." (shifts gear) PARK!

...Done sipping...And I'm out...

Weary...

"...on that independent shitttt...trade it all for a husband and some kids...you ever wonder what it all really mean...you wonder if you'll ever find your dreams..." ~ Yeezy, I Wonder

It's been a while. A lot has changed. All is still well, just different. The days are running together. The nights seem non-existent. The grind is ever-present. It's final exam season again.

In spite of the tests of my knowledge, pressures on my time, and stresses on my life...I'm thankful for the brains, beauty, and guts to endure. It's the life I chose or the one that's been assigned to me. Never given more than I can handle...so I press on.

It's Saturday/Sunday...I'm on the bridge, ready to jump...jump down the stairs, climb into my car, and roll down the street to my home, where my bed awaits...but for now...I write...a paper and a blog at the same time!

In this moment of confused clarity, I remembered a song..."Weary" by Amel Larrieux (formerly of the newly reunited Groove Theory), and it took me back to a place - a place very similar to where I am in this very moment. Strong, but ready to be weak in the knees. Focused, but ready to fall into the arms of another. Free, but willing to be imprisoned by love. I want it all, at the end of the day.

So, as I return to my state of studious...I leave you with the words of a great songbird.

Signed,

Never weak, but a little...

Weary...

This woman is growing weary
Of having to be so strong
Of having to pretend I’m made of stone
So I won’t end up with no broken bones
I can’t fight every battle alone

I want someone to lift me
Heal my wounds and give me kisses on my head
Say words that should be said
Fear is not the matter
I would so much rather open up my heart
And lay down my guard

Chorus:
If I could trust someone
To have my back and never do me wrong
Then I would give my love up
Just like that stop singing this soldier song
(repeat)

whomever said love was overrated
must not be getting’ none
my independent days have had their fun
but when the parties over
and the workin’ day is done
I just want to come home to someone

I want a love to take me
As I am not make me compromise myself
Or be like no one else
Fear is not the matter
I would so much rather open up my heart
And just lay down my guard

Chorus:
If I could trust someone
To have my back and never do me wrong
Then I would give my love up
Just like that stop singing this soldier song

Did Wale read my "Diary"?!?

I must admit my wrongdoings...

As a music enthusiast, I am embarrassed to say that I just purchased Wale's "Attention Deficit" about 30 minutes ago. Yes, I listened to all of the I-Tunes clips on the day it came out in November 2009. Yes, I thought it sounded pretty good. Yes, I've kept it on my list of "music to be copped." But, I am ashamed to say, I waited way too long! The entire album is amazing...production, substance, EVERYTHING is good. But, "Diary" struck the core of my soul! Though I blog and tend to be more than open in most of my social networking efforts..."Diary" revealed the inner-most feelings that only my hard copy journal has seen...well, until now!

For those of you who may never experience, may never hear, or may never even care enough to understand, I've included the lyrics here! Wale...Stop peaking in my window! But secretly, I'm happy you shared my "Diary" with the world!

"Diary"

If I told you I wanted to talk to you,
You think i'm try'na holla at you,
And maybe I am but,
You wouldn't hear me out anyway's would you? ,
Rather lose love than to move on never knowing what it feel like,
Short days, long nights,
By the phone, no call,
Need a clear mind 'cause I been blind,got me goin' down that road,
Heart made of stone,
Far away from home,
Black woman you cold,
Every problem you ever had with another man i gotta face,
Started off on thin ice,
im still here but i cant skate,
Slow sink, cant breath, no remorse, dont think,
Listen to your friend get another man for a minute then repeat,
Queen, you deserve the title but she reject what i give, while she nurse the wounds by them,
Tried them didnt work,
Diary of a black girl,

(chorus)
I wonder why i sit and cry,
Wish i could shed all these tears,
Im down and out,
Ill keep it moving and tryna get out,
I dont know how to move on,
Where i went wrong,
I wish i could live with no fear,
So down and out,
Ill keep it moving and tryna get out,
Somehow,

Raised by a momma who, who,
Hate her baby father so, so
She dont have a problem with, with,
Saying fuck a nigga Quick, quick,
Im just tryna be the one who never run, but you run away from me,
Girlfriends man cheat, cheat,
Why not me the same thing,
She cant see in me, what i see in her,
This pain she inherit cant be reversed,
I cant even stay living in the shade of all the motherfuckers who played you,
The irony in that is that i aint even that, but you coulda been these pages,
Wife, you deserve the label but, but, you been hurt before so you dont feel your able,
Tried them didnt work, got impossible standards, nothing that i ever do works,
Diary of a black girl,

(chorus)

See all i wanna do is be relevant,
Just tell me that i ever meant anything more,
That you could ever see me and you in another light,
But its like the dark women indoors in the darkest nights by the wrong man,
see all of them have made you incapable of a first impression,
what it do is i channel my aggression with no cable or antenna,
Just intentions to impress you if capable,
Hoping that the material possesions can materialise to a better you,
Cars, nothing i drive can drive you out of this state of mind,
For such an ugly picture and,
Money, nothing i buy can buy more time for your ears to tell your heart to listen to it,
Diamonds, a girls best frienf is what they say but believe me with the right allegience shorty you gonna shine anyways,
and everyday that goes by is a couple more lines in her diary,
the day before is better than the present,
so anyone presented in her presence is doing these life sentences,
theres no key for release,
no reason to be around,
her minds in the clouds,
she writes it all down,
in her diary,

(chorus)

Clap For 'Em...

Standing ovation for the most fictitious among us...the living story-tellers, the breathing fairy tales, the walking cast of characters...the LIARS! Why? Because they are soooo real!

Complete and total honesty are what I require. No sugar-coating, convenient cover ups, unintentional unmentioned details, minor misses, oblivious omissions, "I forgot," "I overlooked," "I knew you'd be upset," or "I mean - I didn't think it was that important" kind of caveats...I want the damn truth...PERIOD!

There are few instances where the color-lines are even...but little white lies, and big black ones count the same! Be straight...save the curved conversation for your GPS system...I'm not interested in going your way if you can't speak with accurate direction!

Straight, no chaser...I prefer mine on the rocks, as chilled as you can make it...no need to warm or butter me up.

If you can't be honest...I can't respect you. And since I'm not a disrespectful person, it's best that I remove you from my mental, physical, emotional, social, and spiritual space. I consider you non-existent.

For those on that short list of non-existent beings, I am sincerely thankful. You've revealed your truest self to me, and for that one instance of honesty, you ought to be applauded...it's the realest performance you've ever rendered...

A LIAR...the Realest you'll ever be!

Clap for 'em!!!

"Rockstar Lifestyle..."

I'm gon make it...

It's 3'o clock in the mornin in the studio-o-o-o

Eyes haven't shut from the night before

A day filled with fashion

A night filled with music

The gaps in between filled with full thoughts...bursting at the seams!

Feeling like Biggie..."It was all a dream..."

I really did "read" Word Up Magazine...Vibe, The Source, XXL, Essence, Ebony, Jet, Black Enterprise, Glamour, Lucky, Cosmo, ooops...I digress.

Now that things are moving along, I can see my name written on the pages, my picture on the cover...not for who "I" am but for what I've done for "YOU"...the rockstar, the rap icon, the untapped talent, writers, designers, singers, chefs, ball players, budding business men and women...YOU...the future...the right now!

I know God left room in the sky for a reason...we are all stars in our own right...find your candle, strike the match, let the wax burn...that's the only way you'll have a shot at shining...

RockSTAR Lifestyle...I'm gon make it...but I need YOU!!!

Wishing on a STAR...

I'd Rather Be Wrinkled...

DePRESSED is what I was just a few years ago...Everyone knew it but me. New job, back in town, surrounded by love, yet could do little but frown. Tears on my pillow, nightly...Pain in my heart. I left what I thought was troubling me, thought I was off to a new start.

SupPRESSED feelings, pent up negative energy, stored up doubt... all held tight! I was a "Bag Lady!" ...Never really understood what Badu meant when she soulfully belted "paaack light."

RePRESSED dreams, nightmares of failure, fear of flying...thoughts of dying! Where would the world be without me?

I watched the source of my life look death in the eye and come out laughing, yet my dear friend of the same name was knocked out by death's blow...all in the same week! My God, what were you trying to tell me?

...Perhaps that tomorrow is not promised...that life could be cut short...that you control it's strings...we are merely puppets in your greatest "play," of sorts. That we will yield to your power...we will one day have to succumb to what you say. That my line "you are not the boss of me" has no force, no strength, is powerless against the you...that as much as I really wanted it, I could never have my cake and eat it too!

You know, be in charge and play the background...be the lead singer but also fall back with the band...lead the charge and follow...be the best supporting actress and the Star! I had to pick a role and stay in that lane...but give the reins to you, so that I could be close to where you are...So I did!

OpPRESSED by the chains of someone else's empire, constantly conjuring up visions of ruling my own...I walked! Leaving all the chips on the table...for months, well years now wishing I had kept a few. I digress, but it's real!

I met PRESSED's cousin stressed when I decided to study more. Devoted countless hours, hoping to find the keys to my next door. Pushing, kicking, screaming...silently plotting, constantly dreaming...of the life that I'm finally starting to live.

But not to be outdone...I had more things to give...things to ante up, players to trade, items to let go, a few I hated to lose. Shedding baggage is heavy, but it wasn't my place to choose.

The other half of my source proved that there's a survivor in me, while only a short time later my "big homie" for life met his final destiny...became a young angel...a wonderful life made brief. Without warning, sans notice, but filled with such pain and grief. For him I celebrate living, for him I meet each new day with new life, to God for him, I'm forever thankful. Whenever I'm awakened by the sun, I breath a sigh of relief.

No pain, no gain, all smiles, more zeal. Success without struggle is false...I strive to always "keep it real." Unafraid of hard work, unshaken by the shake-ups of life, not ashamed of tough times. I'll admit that "it ain't all roses," but I wouldn't trade my thorns for your dandelion stems...I'll accept hard pain over easy pleasure every time!

I squint often, furrow my brow, and stretch my eyes to see things clear. As a result, my face is not as youthful as it used to be, but I'm grateful for every year. Many die trying to be perfect...I simply opt to be the best me that I can be. Life has become a lot simpler. Little is complex. I keep my clothes ironed, what's left of my hair too...

The world is hard PRESSED to be straight...but, I've seen what it does, experienced how it feels...doesn't take much for me to learn my lesson. I'd rather be WRINKLED...You?

Perfect 10...Simple...

I'm on a clear mission...to be the GREATEST ME to ever LIVE! The road is never 100% clear...in fact, often it's pretty hazy, ambiguous, winding...you get the point. And, that's why FAITH is important. So for 2010, I'm keeping it simple...but making it Perfect. Here are the SOLUTIONS...because this year, I plan to be a PROBLEM! If you didn't know...I'm taking over!

SOLUTIONS...

1) Be Early...for everything!

2) Listen for and only to God!

3) Be Authentic...it's really the only way to be!

4) Do what makes sense...but DON'T do too much!

5) Do EVERYTHING (according to #4) to the best of my ability!

...GO!

Perfect 10 y'all!