I'd Rather Be Wrinkled...

DePRESSED is what I was just a few years ago...Everyone knew it but me. New job, back in town, surrounded by love, yet could do little but frown. Tears on my pillow, nightly...Pain in my heart. I left what I thought was troubling me, thought I was off to a new start.

SupPRESSED feelings, pent up negative energy, stored up doubt... all held tight! I was a "Bag Lady!" ...Never really understood what Badu meant when she soulfully belted "paaack light."

RePRESSED dreams, nightmares of failure, fear of flying...thoughts of dying! Where would the world be without me?

I watched the source of my life look death in the eye and come out laughing, yet my dear friend of the same name was knocked out by death's blow...all in the same week! My God, what were you trying to tell me?

...Perhaps that tomorrow is not promised...that life could be cut short...that you control it's strings...we are merely puppets in your greatest "play," of sorts. That we will yield to your power...we will one day have to succumb to what you say. That my line "you are not the boss of me" has no force, no strength, is powerless against the you...that as much as I really wanted it, I could never have my cake and eat it too!

You know, be in charge and play the background...be the lead singer but also fall back with the band...lead the charge and follow...be the best supporting actress and the Star! I had to pick a role and stay in that lane...but give the reins to you, so that I could be close to where you are...So I did!

OpPRESSED by the chains of someone else's empire, constantly conjuring up visions of ruling my own...I walked! Leaving all the chips on the table...for months, well years now wishing I had kept a few. I digress, but it's real!

I met PRESSED's cousin stressed when I decided to study more. Devoted countless hours, hoping to find the keys to my next door. Pushing, kicking, screaming...silently plotting, constantly dreaming...of the life that I'm finally starting to live.

But not to be outdone...I had more things to give...things to ante up, players to trade, items to let go, a few I hated to lose. Shedding baggage is heavy, but it wasn't my place to choose.

The other half of my source proved that there's a survivor in me, while only a short time later my "big homie" for life met his final destiny...became a young angel...a wonderful life made brief. Without warning, sans notice, but filled with such pain and grief. For him I celebrate living, for him I meet each new day with new life, to God for him, I'm forever thankful. Whenever I'm awakened by the sun, I breath a sigh of relief.

No pain, no gain, all smiles, more zeal. Success without struggle is false...I strive to always "keep it real." Unafraid of hard work, unshaken by the shake-ups of life, not ashamed of tough times. I'll admit that "it ain't all roses," but I wouldn't trade my thorns for your dandelion stems...I'll accept hard pain over easy pleasure every time!

I squint often, furrow my brow, and stretch my eyes to see things clear. As a result, my face is not as youthful as it used to be, but I'm grateful for every year. Many die trying to be perfect...I simply opt to be the best me that I can be. Life has become a lot simpler. Little is complex. I keep my clothes ironed, what's left of my hair too...

The world is hard PRESSED to be straight...but, I've seen what it does, experienced how it feels...doesn't take much for me to learn my lesson. I'd rather be WRINKLED...You?